Last night was an atrocity against humor. I sat with my wife last night and watched Dante (that's it, just Dante. I fucking HATE one word names. Only Sinbad can get away with that, and he's still not really forgiven.) perform one of the biggest cliches in stand up comedy: the vomitous rage inducing "What if such and such were performed by so and so" routine, followed by a circle jerk of ridiculous impressions. It's right up there with airplane peanut jokes and mother in law jokes. So, for 30-45 painful seconds, I watched this half-ass motherfucker do a bit about "What if the Wizard of Oz was performed by Jack Nicholson, Christopher Lloyd, and some other people I can't do impressions of..." He even finished it off with a fucking TERRIBLE impression of Robert DiNero saying, "You talkin' to me?" THE MOST CLICHE LINE IN THE MOST CLICHE BIT IMAGINABLE!
Then, came the most disgusting part of all. It's all up to you America (but we know from Season 1, when Drew Carey stormed off the set because the producers threw the judges votes away and picked who they wanted anyway, that the audience vote doesn't matter)....your choice for the audience favorite is... MOTHERFUCKING DANTE! Yes! Why you Larry The Cable Guy lapping, good for nothing mongoloids! The producers were probably sitting there wearing their Crocs, eating their KFC Goo-Bowl, and wiping away mashed potatoes as they said, "Ooo! I like impressions. He's in!"
P.S. - Four out of the five on the stage of finalists didn't make me laugh even once. Doug Benson is the only funny one from last night, and that's just because I'm not so sure that he's not actually retarded. Do better Last Comic Standing producers. Oh, and since you (the producers) obviously didn't notice, no one laughed at the fat crazy chick with the cats. No one. Her joke about skinny girls was met with crickets.
If Sean Rouse doesn't make it next week and the fucking HEMI guy does...well, I think you may be reading Part 2 next Wednesday night...
Labels: comedy, dante, last comic standing, nbc, stand up comedy
3 Comments:
Keep posting. I woke my wife up I was laughing so hard.
By Eric Patnoe, At July 20, 2007 1:04 AM
Rouse doesn't make it. Tom Arnold was allegedly coked up and actually heckled Rouse. I doubt they show it, I bet they just blow past and act like he was never there.
Sorry to be a spoiler. And thanks for expressing everything I was too drunk to blog about Dante. It was the height of shame for an already embarrassing show. I hate to watch it but I know half the people involved so I love to hate it.
stanhope
By Anonymous, At July 20, 2007 10:21 PM
Holy shit, Stanhope... I was just going over your tour dates to see if you would be coming near Alabama and noticed that one of your favorite movies is "The Dark Backward". That is one of the greatest movies I've ever watched and you're the only person besides my brothers who has ever mentioned it of your own volition. Fat chicks eating dog food and chocolate syrup off of Bill Paxton's nipples is a MAGNIFICENT piece of cinematic history that goes regularly unmentioned.
By Bylinowski, At July 24, 2007 9:22 PM
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